Internet, it’s been a long, hard, hot, summer. And I am tired. Tired of being exhausted and working so hard. Tired of spinning my wheels and not taking the time I need to take care of myself. Tired of beating myself up for every mistake and misstep.
But all that’s about to change.
Tomorrow I’m going to get in my car, roll down the windows, and drive and drive and drive. First I’ll meet up with Krissie and then Lorrie, and the three of us are going to spend the weekend in West Virginia, hanging out and doing whatever the hell we want.
There will be laughter. There will be shopping. I suspect there will be cocktails. And I’m so excited I could cry.
I’m embarrassed to admit how much I need this weekend away, and how hopeful I am that taking a few days to relax and unwind will help me get re-centered and recommitted to taking care of myself (mentally and physically). It’s time to find the balance in my life again, and if the first step is driving to West Virginia to find it, then so be it.
Today this blog is three years old. THREE! YEARS! OLD! It blows my mind. Regardless of whether you’ve been reading since the beginning or if this is the first time you’ve visited this blog, thank you thank you THANK YOU for reading. Thank you for coming here and sharing your comments and support and advice and experiences and jokes.
You are proof that the Internet is full of wonderful, kind, awesome people, and I feel so blessed to be part of such an inspiring community.
In lieu of posting today I’m going to point you all to Lorrie’s post about her struggle with eating in private. Lorrie is my friend and I’m probably biased but honestly, this post is one of the most moving things I’ve ever read in a blog. The first time I read it I saw so much of myself in Lorrie’s words that it actually made me sick to my stomach. The second time I read it I cried — because I was afraid and ashamed and part of me was glad that I wasn’t the only person struggling with the fear and the shame and scariness of it all.
My bad habits are skeletons in my closet. They are shameful little secrets that no one knows about. How I used to go from one fast food place to another so that I could amass food without them knowing I was ordering all of that food just for me. How I’ve thrown food out of the car window. How I’ve eaten a pint of ice cream in the car without a spoon. Or the little weird habits that I pick up while eating in private. If a car passes, I pretend not to be eating.
I’ve blogged here for nearly three years and shared lots of ups and downs. It’s so easy to write about successes and so difficult to write about my struggles and failures. I wish I had the courage to do it more often, and I’m so proud of Lorrie for having the guts to write about something that’s so hard to share.
home?
Last night I made an offer on the condo I like downtown. It’s a complicated sale and I won’t go into details, but it’s likely I won’t hear a final answer about whether or not the offer has been accepted for at least a week. Maybe longer. I’m trying to be patient. It’s really hard (that’swhatshesaid!) but I’m trying. I’m walking that fine line of trying not to get too attached and stopping at the home improvement store on my lunch break to pick out paint chips.
If you’re feeling generous say a prayer/good thought/cross your fingers/wish on a star/whatever works that this all ends up working out. In the meantime I’ll be in the corning, obsessively checking my phone for missed calls and trying not to bite all of my fingernails off.
So let’s talk about the five pounds I’ve gained since I moved back to Cincinnati…
Um…it sucks… and I hate them. That just about sums it up.
Okay, so I’ll elaborate.
When I moved back all of my friends called individually and were all “Let’s get dinner/drinks/ice cream/dessert!” and I was like “OMG! Totally!” and the next thing I knew I had gained ten pounds. Just chugging along having fun and all of the sudden I was back well into the 290s. It wasn’t unexpected, but it wasn’t a good feeling either. So I cut back on the socializing and started paying more attention to what I was eating and managed to lose five of the ten pounds I gained back.
Then I had an appointment to get back on Adipex that got canceled at the last minute, but is in the process of being rescheduled. So that sucked.
And since then I’ve stalled. I’ll do good for a couple days and then blow it by going out for dinner and drinks. And then I do it again. A few days on, one day off, a few days on, a few days off… it’s not a good system for me. I’m not gaining, but I’m not losing either and I need to be losing. Another problem? Getting the exercise in. I know, I know, for a good stretch there I was kicking ass (I worked out for 40+ days straight for god’s sake!) but I’ve had a hard time getting back into the swing of things since I moved. I need to start getting up and working out in the morning again but since I’m already leaving the house at 7 AM so I can get to work by 8, I need to start waking up around 5:15 and, oh man, that’s rough.
So here’s where you come in. It’s time for some tough love people. Tell me to get off my lazy ass and get up to work out. Tell me it’s worth the effort. Tell me that I’ll feel better once I get started and losing again. In my head I know it’s all true but I think it might help to hear it from someone else.
Lay it on me Internet.
