Over the past few months I’ve been really surprised at how often people have asked me personal questions about money. I’m sure there’s an element of curiosity fueling the questions. Just how much does it cost to live in a small loft in a transitional neighborhood, anyway? I wonder how much she pays for that one little room… And people just ask without giving it a second thought.
I don’t hesitate answering when my friends or family ask — I’ve been known on occasion to rant about the evils of paying rent when you could be building equity and, I dunno, painting your walls and whatnot — but I’m always caught off-guard when someone I don’t know well starts asking how much my mortgage is or how much money I make.
Maybe the economic downturn have made everyone more focused on money and that’s why they ask. Or maybe it all has to do with how you’re raised. My mom would be mortified if she witnessed me asking someone how much they paid for rent. It just seems like an invasion of privacy to me. Unless you’re thinking about moving to the neighborhood or finding similar digs, why are you so interested in how much my mortgage is? But maybe I’m being old-fashioned?
What about you? How do you handle the personal questions about your mortgage/rent/salary/how much that personal belonging costs? Do you think it’s rude of people to ask? And is it worse to skirt the question or refuse to answer?
Eew! Are people really that rude? I would answer “If you’re looking to house hunt, I recommend using a real estate search engine to see what houses that better match your interest and location would cost.”
But I’m a b!tch like that
I would be one of those people, although I would never ask someone how much they paid for a loft if I didn’t know them. I would be interested in that because I have no idea how much something like that costs. I wouldn’t ask about someone’s mortgage. I wouldn’t ask about salary although when my friend was looking for a job she mentioned to me how much she made at her previous job and I tried to help her find something that was more financially viable for her. I’m a pretty open book if someone asked me I would tell but if you don’t feel comfortable skirt the issue LOL.
I think people are always interested in what something costs in a certain neighborhood, not because they want to know what YOU paid but kind of an interest in general ( along the lines of “wow, that was a great price,” or” I always wanted to live there-is it expensive”). I check the realestate pages all the time…it’s a hobby to house hunt.
I’d never ask someone though so I guess I wouldn’t expect someone to ask me. Just tell them you’re uncomfortable talking about your finances but you’d be happy to give them your great realtor’s name to help them out.
I don’t mind telling anyone what we paid for our house (we just bought too) and I was cool with telling people our monthly rent, but that’s about it.
I have a strict “no salary talk” rule. Only my boyfriend knows it and that is because we share the bills. I believe that whether people mean to or not, they will make a judgment about you and usually there is no going back from it.
I’ve had very few instances when people asked what I earned. And in those few instances they wanted to use the information to negotiate there own salary at the same company. I never reveal my salary. It is one thing that I really think should be private, some people estimate your value by what you earn and they shouldn’t.
What you paid for your home or rent is almost public knowledge. In Massachusetts you can look home purchase prices and see mortgage info online at the Registry of Deeds free of charge. Oddly, when asked about this I don’t feel it is an invasion of privacy as it is fairly easy to get that info online.
That’s my take anyway!
Oh my gosh, NEVER!!! If I want to know the answers to questions like “how much does it cost to live THERE”, I research it myself! There are plenty of online resources to find out how much people have paid for their homes or the cost of living in a particular area.
I also think it’s absolutely tacky and in completely poor taste to discuss anything specific about salary or bonuses. I had a coworker who is privy to information of this sort use MY bonus as fuel to fire his attack on the company for not paying him what he felt he deserved. Tacky!!
My mother would also be horrified to hear that I asked anyone questions of that sort. When anyone tries to discuss these things with me, I just flat out tell them that it makes me uncomfortable. It may be off-putting to be so blunt, but I feel that it’s offensive for them to ask me questions like that.
Since many people base their friendships on money and status (why, I’ll never understand), I always think it’s best to leave things like that out of conversation.
P.s…Shame on their mothers for not teaching people that things like that should not be discussed!
I had a similar experience with a co-worker (waaaaay back in the day). I’m sure that’s one of the reasons I’m so bashful about sharing that info with people I’m not close with now.
I agree with you. It’s really rude, not to mention vulgar, to ask those kinds of questions.
I never ever discuss salary. With housing costs it depends on why someone is asking. If they are in a similar situation and house hunting nearby, etc, then I might answer the questions, but generally I am vague enough when asked anything about money so that they know I’m not going to answer the question outright. Like, “Oh yeah, it can be expensive in our area but our mortgage is manageable between the two of us”, or “Yeah, I work in media, I’m obviously underpaid”. You get the idea. Just vague, and I confess I like to deliberately be annoyingly vague directly in proportion with how rude I think the question was!
When I was offered my current job (after being unemployed for six months), the first questions were about salary, benefits and pension.
I honestly don’t know why people were so focused on that. I was just THRILLED that I was going to be working again.
Odd how some people think.
I don’t mind people asking me those kind of questions. I am an open book most of the time. But I would never ask someone unless they were a close friend or family. It is rude.
I don’t think it is appropriate to ask people about their salary. When people ask me how much I make I usually just say “not enough.” Now that I’m unemployed it will be much easier to answer that question.
As far as answering questions about how much things cost, that doesn’t bother me so much. With the Freedom of Information Act people can find out how much your mortgage is or what other things cost if they spend the time to research it so I don’t hesitate to answer those kinds of questions.
If it makes you uncomforable, just tell them that you like to keep those secrets to yourself.